The Fire Method for Emotional Resilience and Self-Control


Outline:
. Introduction to the Fire Method
2. Understanding Emotional Reactivity and Manipulation
3. Pattern Recognition: Identifying Emotional Triggers
4. Emotional Discipline: Managing Reactions
5. Implementing the Fire Method Step-by-Step
6. Benefits and Long-Term Results
7. Conclusion


Explanation:


1. Introduction to the Fire Method:
The Fire Method is a practical approach designed to help individuals develop emotional resilience and self-control in situations where they are triggered or manipulated by others. It is designed to empower you to recognize patterns of emotional reactivity, understand your triggers, discern the spirit of who/what you may be dealing with and cultivate emotional discipline.


2. Understanding Emotional Reactivity and Manipulation:
Emotional reactivity refers to the automatic and sometimes intense emotional responses we have to certain situations, words, or actions. Emotional manipulation, on the other hand, involves intentional attempts by others to provoke or control our emotions for their own benefit. The Fire Method aims to address both aspects by providing tools to break free from these patterns.


3. Pattern Recognition: Identifying Emotional Triggers:
Pattern recognition is a key component of the Fire Method. It involves becoming aware of the reoccurring situations or behaviors that trigger emotional reactions. By identifying these triggers, individuals can gain insight into their emotional vulnerabilities and take proactive steps to minimize the impact of these triggers.


4. Emotional Discipline: Managing Reactions:
Emotional discipline focuses on developing the ability to manage and regulate emotional responses effectively. It involves understanding that while we cannot control external events or others' actions, we have control over our own reactions. This part of the Fire Method emphasizes techniques such as deep-breathing exercises, mindfulness, and re-framing negative thoughts. While a lot of what is mentioned may sound cliche, the triggers will not just go away one day. Even if you walk away from one person or situation, you will most likely see the same issue rear its head again somewhere else. Practicing emotional discipline happens one step at a time and you must  talk yourself through it in order to succeed.


5. Implementing the Fire Method Step-by-Step:

a. Awareness: Recognize the presence of emotional triggers and manipulative behaviors.
What is the root of your trigger?
Have you had an antagonistic experience like this earlier in childhood?
What is it that upsets you specifically?
Is it that you feel unheard, or abandoned, or maybe your privacy feels violated, or an insecurity is highlighted?
You must learn what makes you tick and you must learn how to face it.

Don't run, FACE IT!
This does not mean tolerating toxic/abusive people, it means dealing with and understanding the gateways they have access to, to reach you. 

Awareness of the antagonistic person.
What patterns have you noticed in them?
Are they projecting their insecurities on you?
Do they derive pleasure from your discomfort? 
Are they overly judgmental of others?
Is there a specific time where they pick with you?
Is there a certain area of you/your life that they target?
Analyze how they move.  You take note of it, but it is not recommended that you share your findings with them or try to change them. Don't use it as a weapon against them, use it as a weapon to protect yourself.
Do they taunt you or try to place themselves above you?
This person is a case study for you to learn about human nature and how to deal with the dark sides of it.

b. Acceptance: Acknowledge your emotional reactions without judgment or blame. You are analyzing your emotional behavior to protect yourself and remove the power of people, places and things that seek to come against you. Remember, this isn't particularly about right or wrong. It is about dealing with what is, and reshaping it to enhance your life and experience. 


c. Pause and Reflect: Take a step back from the situation to gain perspective.
Once you begin to pick up on the patterns of yourself and any conflicting people,places or things that you are dealing with, it's time to strip it of its power. 
This is the point where you will come into agreement with yourself that you will no longer share your emotional expression with anyone you are not safe with. This includes happiness and anger and everything else in between! You'll have to process your emotions honestly in your own private space, walk yourself through how you feel, what caused the feeling, and don't be afraid to go deep.

Example: Your spouse read your diary without your consent and began taunting you about an entry you wrote discussing some pain they have caused
 They are expecting you to argue with them, maybe lash out or become emotional.
You are not going to suppress the feeling but you aren't going to emotionally express yourself with them again.

You respond: "Don't go through my private diary again" short and sweet.

Later while you are in the shower you begin processing what you felt in that moment honestly.
You may begin to cry as you walk yourself through it.
"That hurt me deeply because my privacy was violated, it reminded me of my childhood where my mother would go through my phone and bags without any respect for me. I feel violated and it makes me reluctant to trust him/her again." 
Questions may begin to arise like "why do people always take advantage of me" "why am I so easy to bully". 
Begin affirming yourself. "I give people grace because I know I deserve grace and this is why I love myself". "I have learned to set stricter boundaries and when they aren't respected I have the power to detach and walk away." "I love my ability to think things through and my willingness to grow." 

This may not all happen at one time but it is something you will have to do each time triggers arise. Pull back from anyone who wants to add gasoline to the flame of your triggers/emotional breakdowns and become a master at processing them alone, with a trustworthy community and with God.

d. Nervous System Regulation & Breathing Exercises: Practice deep breathing to calm the nervous system and regain control.
Exercise works, sleep works,  singing works, painting works and any gift or hobby you have is a great way to help regulate your nervous system as well.

e. Self-Talk and Re-framing: Use positive affirmations and re-frame negative thoughts. Learn how to talk yourself through triggers without reacting right away.

As mentioned previously in step C
"I give people grace because I know I deserve grace and this is why I love myself". "I have learned to set stricter boundaries and when they aren't respected I have the power to detach and walk away." "I love my ability to think things through and my willingness to grow." 

f. Emotional Regulation Techniques: Engage in activities like journaling , meditation, or physical exercise to release emotional tension.

g.   Soul Distancing: This is the concept of discerning who you are dealing with at all times and knowing what to share vs what not to share.
Going no contact is also a form of soul distancing, however it may not always be possible to do so. In that case, keep what is important to you a secret and only deal with those who cannot handle it on a surface level. Nothing more

6. Benefits and Long-Term Results:
By consistently applying the Fire Method, individuals can experience several benefits. They develop greater self-awareness, emotional resilience, and the ability to respond rather than react impulsively. Over time, individuals become less susceptible to emotional manipulation and more in control of their emotions, leading to improved relationships, increased confidence, and enhanced overall well-being.


7. Conclusion:
The Fire Method offers a structured approach to help individuals break free from emotional reactivity and manipulation. By incorporating pattern recognition and emotional discipline, this method empowers individuals to take charge of their emotional responses, cultivate self-control, and create healthier and more fulfilling interactions with others.

Remember, most people will fight for some type of leverage to control your bond or relationship with them. This may not always be intently abusive, however there are times when it is. In both cases, the person on the receiving end can be propelled into a space of pain and anguish. Repetitive behavior involving taunting, blame shifting, gaslighting etc. is a red flag. When you are able to pull your emotions back, stop responding to the person instigating arguments,  and forcibly trying to shape you into what they want, you reserve your personal power for something better.
Remember emotional abuse and manipulation causes harm to your nervous system that can result in physical illness. 

Protect your emotions and protect your energy!

If you enjoyed this write up, please leave a comment and share with someone who may need it!


Best Wishes 
@MrsMelaninReigns

I must admit,
I almost bought into the world’s cliché understanding of “balance”.

As rooted as I had become in my true sense of self, the doubts and degrading words of others still lingered somewhere within me.

Though I constantly propelled forward on my path, guided by spirit. Deep down inside I questioned whether naysayers were right and if I was too blinded, optimistic and possibly misleading myself.

​You see,
When words of doubt come from some of the individuals you love the most, invest in and give opportunity. It’s hard not to question yourself.
I questioned my confidence, my intuition, my motives, my beauty, my success and my entire foundation.

I had “friends” joke about my business as if I was a failure, saying things to the next person as if what I had built was a joke and they were better than me.
I had previous business associates attempt to defame my name, passing judgement on me as if I was an egotistical monster who wanted success only for myself and did not care for them.
The man I loved belittled me subtly, slighting my physical “flaws” and the bed I slept on.
Family, who tried to repaint me as nothing more than a weed head and college dropout with unreasonable dreams.

I grown to view my heart and authenticity as my greatest asset.
By following the direct guidance of source, I’ve acquired things I never even knew were possible.

When I began this journey, I had one request; to be to others, what I needed the most as a child.
At time this seemed like an admirable request.
I did not have visions of being like any star, being featured on any show or magazine.
My heartfelt and honest inquiry to the universe was simply to love and be loved.

​I say I almost bought into the world’s cliché understanding of “balance” because I almost, allowed them to convince me that who I had become was not enough.
As if working on my spirit steadily to increase my personal magnetism was not enough and I had to dibble and dabble in worldliness.

In between 2018-2019 I had a car accident that changed my life and realigned my vision.
I was given the opportunity to start anew, with clear instructions to move past those who left me for dead.
Not a phone call, visit or message of encouragement came from those I helped the most.

I isolated myself, flourished abundantly and came into a version of power that finally seemed like my physical environment was aligning with my spiritual work.

After reprogramming my subconscious mind for years upon years, my manifestations seemed to be coming in bigger and bolder than ever.

After taking 12 swords out of my back and allowing my wounds to heal, it almost seemed as if the universe was waiting for me to remove interferences to fruitfully bring in my birthright of abundance.

TO BE CONTINUED

Indigenous women live their lives under the microscope of the world.
Society belittles us for what we do, then they proceed to imitate it.
From our style of dress, to our speech and even our movements, we are being strategically monitored. 
They've ridiculed the physique of original woman, and put our bodies on display for the entertainment of their peers.
Remember Sarah Baartman? A Khoisan house servant from South Africa, who was forced to display her body in private shows. She was instructed to wear skin tight clothing, or little to nothing at all.
As she walked on stage, everyone in the crowd would reach for her private areas in disrespectful amazement. They'd scream out her new nickname "Venus Hottentot" and mock her gestures/strut. As a result, Sarah became a money making scheme for a business she never intended to participate in.

Due to months of major fasting in The Khoisan culture, storing fat in the buttocks was a survival tactic for the body. These women honored their bodies for function NOT fashion, yet mischievous caucasians of the 19th century, made it their business to exploit the natural aesthetic of our sisters. Even after death they removed her genitals for artists to sketch and to put in a glass case as a museum exhibit.
Sarah Baartman is one example of the beginnings of man's oversexualization of the assets,  lips, breasts and thighs.
In North America, towards the beginning and mid parts of the trans-atlantic slave trade, doctors worked alongside scientists to deem dark skin and larger facial/body features as 'animalistic'. 
They used the genetic differences of original people to classify them as the subservient race, which became a major justification point for the inhuman acts of slavery.

Now what does this have to do with black girls and body image?
Fasten your seatbelt, because you're in for quite a ride. 

Let's begin with the imitation, shall we?
The same features doctors once classified as "subservient", they are now influencing their standard of beauty (caucasian women) to inject hormones, silicone etc. into their bodies, in order to increase lip, butt, hips and thigh size. 

Our style of dance is also often under ridicule. When a black woman twerks it is "ratchet", "degrading" etc. 
When a pale Russian woman twerks, it's "exercise", "a flow of movement", and an "expression of  freedom".

So, how should one feel about the belittling of their culture ?

Things aren't sufficient when we do it but it's marketed as an upscale way of life by society when "whites" participate in it. 
This makes a young black girl feel invaluable, devious, less than a prize, unwanted, undesirable and ultimately can influence desperation. 
If a woman who once had a small behind, suddenly becomes 10X times more attractive in the eyes of the society when she buys bigger assets and gets a spray or tank tan, what messages are you sending to the women who were born that way?
Also, what messages are you sending to sisters who already had this size/shape before it was popular?
And if our hue and physique is so spectacular that people will spend thousands of dollars on it, why have all peoples of the world turned their backs on us?

The constant slander and restraint put on the physical bodies of our women has left critical cycles of distorted self image and low self esteem.
"Smile, you're too beautiful to be frowning" means nothing to a woman who has been disregarded time after time for women who merely imitate what comes naturally to her. 
It means nothing when the only time she is called upon, is for her misuse or degradation.
It means nothing when she has been abandoned by her man and left to be the sole provider in the household.
It means nothing when she isn't honored and appreciated apart from birthdays and holidays.

LET'S BE HONEST
There's little to no appreciation of the woman, when her naked body isn't up for use.
Society makes us out to be undesirable when we are on our menstrual cycles, after we've had children or underwent any health procedures. 

For centuries, we were told our hair texture was unappealing.
Cover it up, perm it, wear a wig or weave, do anything besides honor what grew from you.
Every representation of who we are is mocked, by even our own men.
They now dress up in wigs, lipstick and imitate their black mothers for the entertainment of online viewers.

Women who have lost the resilience and perseverance required to uphold a level of self-value, are utilizing their bodies for their own profit. Their mentality is, "if society can make money off of exploiting me, why not exploit myself"?
Make no mistake about it, these things have nothing to do with a woman's style of dress because it guarantees nothing. However, it's about the impression these experiences have on the psyche of that individual woman that will determine her long term behavioral response.
Majority of the adjustments or adaptations women have made is to due to their circumstance and the social/political climate in their environment.
It is not who they are, and it is not who they will be in 50 years because the cycles are being broken now. 

Body Positivity 

I am both a lover and discourager of the nudist movement. I trust that everything pure is done in moderation. Not in protest for the respect of others but in protest to the psyche that we are freeing ourselves. 
Body positivity begins with accepting oneself thoroughly.
It has nothing to do with how naked you can be, but moreso how comfortable you are naked.

Do you accept yourself? 
Whether you are a size 1 or a size 24, you deserve to show yourself respect and accept nothing less from others.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,  the perceptions of others is NOT a confirmed truth.
How you feel inside, is the only confirmed truth that the universe will respond to AKA the centerpoint of  your karma.

Personally, growing up as a skinny, tall black girl with no breasts or behind was challenging for me until I learned why I manifested this way.  I am a GEM, and you ought to know that you are to. The information stored within my DNA is far to valuable, so God hid it in the perfect vessel. The one they would ridicule and imitate but never successfully duplicate. Find your reason, live in your purpose and be proactive so you aren't just reacting or responding to their poison. 

The mainstream feminist movement of today, is a weapon of patriarchy itself. They want to convince our women that sterilizing themselves via birth control pills and patches is empowering. They want to convince our women that removing life from their body is a feminine victory.
Your body is your own, but why are the mainstream areas of focus taking away vitality instead of adding to it?

It's just food for thought my dear sisters,
I have no desire to shame women that have had abortions or that take birth control pills. However, the inner workings of this system will lead you to believe that rebelliousness is righteousness. 
The beginning of this article took us through a few different points, but the most important thing we must do as sisters is set the tone for a new era of divine self esteem.
As the nurturers and expanders of our communities, we must abolish fear and any limitations that will stop us from ascending collectively. 
Regardless of what the rest of the world has done to us, we must take into account that the security of our daughters is at risk. Rather than wait for the protection and provisions of men, government and other groups of women. We must strategically weed out the negative images that we ourselves hold as truth.

Tips
Accept Yourself (You are perfect, just as you are in this moment) 
Challenge yourself to grow (changing your perspective, changes your reality)
If you do not like your body,  work on it! (Not because they said so, but because you want to)
If you are not valued in a relationship, remove yourself! ( double check to see where the lack of value resides within)
Find at least two trustworthy sisters to share your moments with ( do not overburden yourself) 
Eat healthy (even if it's only one meal a day) 
Stretch ( maintain a healthy blood flow)
Retrace your childhood to adulthood (disregard all negative self talk and outside talk)
Affirm your beauty ( Speak to your higher self)
Give love (energy is a cycle, what you put out you will receive)
Be receptive (The universe will only allow you to see what are willing to accept)

Writer: @MrsMelaninReigns
Model: @MrsMelaninReigns
Photographer: @YOUniversall

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